Thursday, October 05, 2006
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A flourish of emotion.
The heavy thumping of my heart.
I cry out.
This pain.
The thought of the future scares me.
Have I done my best?
Somehow, I feel that I could have done better.
Somehow, I jus have this feeling that I am the only one who has not reached his maximum potential.
I am certain that I could have done better.
Whats there left for me to do? One word: "Practice"
Has it not been stated by many that "Practice makes perfect"?
Has my efforts gone to waste? Or is it just me?
One word: "Careless". Is that just an excuse? Or is it really unforseen human error, the instance whereby one feels a surge of confidence and allows one's guard to falter and hence not noticing a mistake so simple that it makes you wonder whether to laugh or to cry.
I look around me. The faces I see. All brmming with smiles and content. Would I be one of them if I had just checked once more or even read it carefully the first time through?
Sometimes, it hits me. Is prayer enough? Yes, it is. But most of the final outcome relies on you, your frame of mind at that time and whether you are able to perform, whether you have planned and paced yourself correctly. Everything is already in your head, what comes next is whether you have enough time to put it on the paper and whether you answer the question correctly and not regurgitate everything which you have learnt.
The thoughts swim through my head. Positive and Negative alike.
I wonder, what will it be like when my best friend leaves next year?
I mean even who will I have to confide in? Even though we have computers and we are able to chat online, the feeling is totally different. Its completely different from having a listening ear and hearing someone else's conforting voice. The presence of a person also makes a whole lot of difference.
Reading the book "Tuesdays with Morrie" has also made me ponder on a whole lot of things. Death awaits all of us. We have no way to anticipate death so are we doing enough in our lives? The people around us, those we care for and those who care for us. Have we done enough to let them know what we feel about them? Are we giving enough love? Even words which we may say at the slip of the tongue may have adverse effects on what may happen in the future. I mean what if someone close to us dies and we lack the time to tell him what we feel? What if that happens to you? Will we regret? But how will regretting help?
So I have decided to take into consideration the feelings of others and tell them what I feel, or even give them a listening ear.
Time passes, picking up its pace. Its less than 4 weeks left.
The Os are coming.
Looking back at the tuition teachers which have been teaching me, my Chinese tuition with Ling Lao Shi has already ended since June. Although I didn't really enjoy doing her work, her stories about life will always be with me.
3 more lessons with Mrs Kao left. It has already been 4 years with her. I will always remember all the times I spent having tuition and listening to what fun things she had to say. Even the time during the SARS period when we had to wear those masks which covered both our noses and out mouths. Initially I felt that it was a drag. But thinking back, I feel that it was actually quite unique. Which tuition will force you to do such fun stuff? I also remember the times when a mosquito bit one of the students and she would take out her bottle of Bygone and start spraying about. There were even times when she would give chocolate to the person who killed the mosquito.
Last but definitely not the least is tuition with Song. Lessons with Song has been fun since the first lesson. Listening to all the snippets of her life in US and then linking them in many little ways to science is not something which I will forget that easily. Understanding, as she says is the most important, and she would never give up in bringing her point over to me. She is also the most hardworking of all my tuition teachers. Marking my stacks of prelim papers which I have been piling on her this entire year..... I feel kinda bad doing that..... Sorry Song! Another nice point of her is that she loves Anime! Passed her Karin and Hachimitsu no Clover. Apparently, she was enjoying Karin alot until a point of time whereby a "scene" in Winner's fantasy popped up and she she started disliking it. Fortunately she has enjoyed Hachimitsu no Clover so far. She is also the most engaging amongst all my tuition teachers. She even invited my cousin Ken and I to her youth camp last year. Had a really really fun time there and at the same time got to know a whole lot of fun people.
What fun we had.
I'm really thankful that the Lord Almighty has allowed me to know so many nice people in my life. I'm certain that I will always remember and cherish them.
Heng Minblogged at 4:08 AM